Confessions of an Idllyic Mind

I dont know who i m anymore. I liken myself to a puppet. My whole life i'm doing the bidding of others. You wanna get this done just pull the string and i'm on it. Never could i imagine when i finally thought i have my life in my own control now, the same puppetting routine happens again. I dont know what the hell is expected of me anymore. Pull my strings and i'll move for you. Now im improved even. Add in batteries and leave me alone and i'll still do your bidding. I'll put on this great show that you and others have paid good time and money to see. I put on this good act everyday for the world to see. Hiding my feelings under a mask of calm and smiles. What else do you want? You want a show i stage it. You want applauses I dance harder. You want to draw in the crowds for the show, fine i'll get the crowd in. Just leave me out of your damn theater politics. I'm just another one of your puppets trying to stay in this stage play called Life. Not only do i have to please the crowds, i also have to please my fellow puppet "pals" so that they dont sabotage me, stick pins into me, torch me. I'm just me .. I'm just trying to live life the way i envisioned it to be. I just wanna stick to my principles and believes. I just wanna stick to my own ethics. Dont rob me of what i feel is right and wrong. Dont cut my strings while im performing. Just draw the curtains when you dont want to see me anymore.


Life

It showered me with its many blooming daisies . . .
It dressed me in a frock so white, so pure . . .

Life

My frock is now stained with mud and crimson blood . . .
As I tread through the valley of thorns, it tears . . .

Life

Its beauty now a thing of the past . . .
Once perfumed with the scent of daisies . . .
Now only the faint smell of blood hangs on its skirt . . .

- Amanda Liew -

So what if I'm unhappy, hurt and beat up? I have formed a heart of wood. No longer able to feel. What are tears? I don't seem to remember anymore . . . Letting the numbness take over . . .