Confessions of an Idllyic Mind

Urghhh .. Lousy lousy lousy ...

Woke up feeling lousy. Went to work feeling even worse. Here's a whole list of things that are not right with me:-

1. Headache that refuse to go away since Saturday night. Possible reason - Banged head Very hard against wall of Zara changing room while trying on a gorgeous summer dress.
2. Nausea.
   
3. Feverish + Light headedness.
   
4. Large ulcer/crater in mouth.
5. Diarrhea.
   

Went to this artsy/hippy-isk/funky restaurant for lunch on Friday.

Very cool wall mural. Kudos to the artist. If he could tattoo this onto my back that would be great.

Hand painted menus.




All things round. Sesame topped bun (delicious!) with the very cute round-round herb butter.

Shrimp & Avocado Salad - The leaves were quite bitter and no longer fresh. But the avocado mash was delish. Much rather have garlic bread with it.

Oxtail shepherd's pie - Taste good. But the stench of beefy-ness is quite overwhelming. Not a prob for beef lovers like me.

A must check out - The toilet doors. Notice the peephole despite all the locks? =D

Another cool feature about the loo - Funky mirror

Sorry it looked so cute i need to have another shot added. Keke ...

I dont know who i m anymore. I liken myself to a puppet. My whole life i'm doing the bidding of others. You wanna get this done just pull the string and i'm on it. Never could i imagine when i finally thought i have my life in my own control now, the same puppetting routine happens again. I dont know what the hell is expected of me anymore. Pull my strings and i'll move for you. Now im improved even. Add in batteries and leave me alone and i'll still do your bidding. I'll put on this great show that you and others have paid good time and money to see. I put on this good act everyday for the world to see. Hiding my feelings under a mask of calm and smiles. What else do you want? You want a show i stage it. You want applauses I dance harder. You want to draw in the crowds for the show, fine i'll get the crowd in. Just leave me out of your damn theater politics. I'm just another one of your puppets trying to stay in this stage play called Life. Not only do i have to please the crowds, i also have to please my fellow puppet "pals" so that they dont sabotage me, stick pins into me, torch me. I'm just me .. I'm just trying to live life the way i envisioned it to be. I just wanna stick to my principles and believes. I just wanna stick to my own ethics. Dont rob me of what i feel is right and wrong. Dont cut my strings while im performing. Just draw the curtains when you dont want to see me anymore.


Life

It showered me with its many blooming daisies . . .
It dressed me in a frock so white, so pure . . .

Life

My frock is now stained with mud and crimson blood . . .
As I tread through the valley of thorns, it tears . . .

Life

Its beauty now a thing of the past . . .
Once perfumed with the scent of daisies . . .
Now only the faint smell of blood hangs on its skirt . . .

- Amanda Liew -

So what if I'm unhappy, hurt and beat up? I have formed a heart of wood. No longer able to feel. What are tears? I don't seem to remember anymore . . . Letting the numbness take over . . .

It’s baffling how different each one of us is from each other. We are made out of the same stuff; we all look nearly similar to each other, by which I mean we have one head, two arms, two legs etc … However the similarities, we are still as different from each other as durians are to apples. The substance that defines us is our characteristics, behavior, probably our upbringing and the environment that we come from. I just don’t understand how one human being can treat another indifferently. How can you even imagine that you are more superior to the rest of the population when we basically are of the same flesh and blood? So what if you’re born of royalty? Doesn’t make you the creator of the heavens and earth. Just despise people that are rude and people that think so highly of themselves. These people put themselves up in a pedestal so high and they have the notion that plain folks have to bow to them every morning, offer them fresh fruits and chant ego boosting mantras to them. This is just plain wrong.

Went to see the rudest man on the face of planet earth, the universe and the remaining 8 planets in it yesterday. First of all, he accused me of not bringing him the materials that he wanted when he didn’t even mention it previously in our conversation. Secondly, he spoke too loudly. Thirdly, he looked bad/hideous. Fourthly, he rushed us to finish the presentation because he is a VERY busy person. Being busy doesn’t give you the rights to spoil someone’s entire day. Does he even sleep well at night thinking of his actions? Well I’m sure he does with his ego lulling him to sleep with its songs of praise each night. My question is WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!! YOU YOU .. YOU NO MANNERS SON OF A GUN!!!! I DRIVE ALL THE WAY TO RAWANG JUST TO INTRO YOU TO PRODUCTS THAT WILL SAVE YOU FROM PAYING TAXES OFF YOUR PITTANCE AMOUNT OF MONEY AND YOU SHOW ME YOUR RUDE+FUGLY ASS FACE??!!!! MAY YOU HAVE A COLONY OF RED ANTS CRAWLING INTO YOUR PANTS NOW!!!!

Eh hem .. Sorry. I’m usually calm and collected but people like Mr. Rudey-Pants-Royal-Ambassador-from-the-very-depths-of-hell just makes me freaking angry. Please forgive me if I offended you with my language.

I just turned down an offer today. Not a very pleasant feeling. But yet strangely enough i did it smiling and giggling like a little girl. However, like Cherry Coke, I'm feeling the unsettling after taste of my decision. Left now with a feeling of doubt and confusion and uncertainty. I turned down a job that i feel i would fit in and grow in. In an industry that i love too. I don't know why i did what i did but yeah i did it. I cant say that i'm regretting my action but i wish i would be happier about it than i am now.

Regrets I have none ...
However my heart weighs a tonne ...
When I think of what i've done ..

Kudos to Sherli for the pics. Ah-Ming-ah came all the way from Penang mari to visit us in KL. Took him to Sunway Pyramid.

I LOVE this pic. I look thin. Kakaka

There are more pics to come but this is it for now. I'm about to collapse now.

zzzzZZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzZZZZzzzzzZZ

I'm proud to name myself the modern day + female version of Narcisscus. Well nothing wrong with taking poser pics of yourself from time to time except that I do it all the time. Its madness. Recently my computer went psycho and refused to acknowledge my phone cam hence not letting my transfer pics from it to my com. But just now a miracle happened and yay! I have my poser pics all in my com now! I shall start with my lunch + dinner date combo with Calvin last last week. We went to Dome's for a quick drink in the noon then met up again at night for pizza in California Pizza Kitchen.

Frosty, full-o-guilt, super chocolaty, obese inducing, delicious ice coffees from DOME

The glutton

The bill footer

Delish tortilla wraps @ California Pizza Kitchen

Super filling wood oven pizza (I forgot the name) - Ideally for 3 ppl.

Dessert! 2 glasses of that wine gave me the worse hangover ever.

NEXT ! ! !

Wan Ming's trip to KL - I only have pics of our lunch - Banana leaf rice in Taj Mahal

Sherli looking as smouldering hot as her curry

Wan Ming looking like a kodomo as usual.

The glutton looking like a glutton she is as usual.

NEXT ! ! !

This is the best part! Couldnt sleep that night so i took a whole bunch of sepia shots of myself before i slept.

THE END

I'm not known to many as a deeply religious person or a highly spiritual person. I would never brand myself as a religious person either. To me, Christianity is not a religion. It wasn't stuffed down my throat or just because my mom was into it i was forced into it too. It was my choice to accept this relationship i have with my God. I've been through pretty rough times these few weeks. I'm sure from the previous posts any sight impaired person can also see that I wasn't too happy with the way my life is going so far. For non-believers its quite difficult to understand what its like to have a Heavenly figure you can look up to. It's not like you can touch Him or you can hear Him but its just weird how He finds ways to drum things into your heart and make you weep like a little baby. Well i did just that this morning in church. I cried and i cried bucket loads of tears. We were singing this hymn and the dam just broke on me. It made me feel so guilty and convicted and at the same time so comforted that there is someone looking out for me. I am assured that no matter how bad i fall and how bad i screw up, I have my God i can fall back on. I can see the light now.

This must be a nightmare. There is no other way of describing it. Its like bring stuck in a terrible dream where you can only try to convince yourself that you will wake up soon and no longer will you have to go through this ride of terror i like to call as "life". Its like you're running through a dark corridor and every door u open is filled with pretentious people guiding you towards the wrong way which you naively believe is the right way out. I;m so sick of getting no where all the time. Life is seriously playing a massive trick on me. I dont wanna be the bunny in the hat anymore. Pls pls pls just let me out. I dont want to be involved in your stupid politics. I dont wanna be branded as the stupid one. I dont wanna play anymore. I DONT! I dont want to be the back stabbing bitch. I dont want to go on being someone i'm not.

Let me out . . . Let me go free . . .

Good day ladies and gentlemen . . .

So good of you to join us once again in a segment I like to call, "Amanda's Constant Whinings On Life". I'm sure you wont be entertained.

Frankly speaking, I have no direction in life at all whatsoever. I'm the kind to just go with the flow. Dont get me wrong, I have tried to plan for my future but it just doesnt go right. So after a few attempts, I quit. Maybe i'm a quitter. I dont know. Just when the game says level up and the monsters are spawning at an alarming rate and coming to get me, I hit the ESC button. I dont know what I wanna do in the next five yrs. Heck, I dont even know what I'll be doing the next 5 days! I'm living my day to day life expecting nothing. Basically I'm living on empty. Everyday i wake up and its just another day. I'm terrified at the thought that i'll be like this for the next 30 yrs.

Well, life still goes on. Not the way I like it to go but anything beats being 6 ft underground. (Hint: I'm atleast trying to be positive)