Confessions of an Idllyic Mind

Don't mean to sound like a complete ninnipoo but I miss Malaysia so much. I am more myself over there. I have my loving though not always supportive family. I miss being in the midst of my maternal rowdy hakka family. Sometimes i wonder what the shit am i doing here. I'm missing so many important events in my life by being here. Missed 2 of my favorite-cousins-in-the-world's wedding (both of which am suppose to be the flower girl), missed Gillian's graduation, missed carol's b'day ... and the lost goes on.

I mean there are things that are happening for me here but it seems just meaningless now. There are so many times when i just feel like quitting this, pack up and head home. But then there is always a loud voice in me head commanding me to Suck it up fat girl and finish what your dad paid a lotta money to send u here for. Somehow i feel that these days that voice is getting weaker. No one seem to understand why i dont wanna get a PR and a job here. I get constant "stay here la. quality of life better. money also better. air cleaner. ppl more frenly. not a lot of rape case. Why go back KL? so many uncivilised ppl. so many ppl kena rape ar. little jobs." All i have to say is: SHUT THE F**K UP! You have no rights to judge me. Judge yourself b4 pulling me down with you. (No i dont actually say that to them. Though at times i feel like it) They haven't got a clue bout what i'm going through and they start judging me. Even if i have to become a beggar in KL as a result of giving up my "privilleged" life here then so be it. Atleast i will be a happy beggar at a place where i call home with no regrets.

Friends made here are great. Really appreciated their support for me. Shared lotsa laughter and tears. However besides my parents and immediate family, I always have my Malaysian chickas, my not-related-by-blood hermanas, my solid brick when i have nothing left to lean back on.. My bestest ever friends ..
A little introduction, the pic of the 2 gorgeous chickas on the left is carol & me. She is my comforter, shopping buddy (we terrorize retailers together. Shopping mall owners, you have been warned), makan buddy, yakking buddy, MNG kaki and the list goes on ...
The people on the right are the candidates for miss chinatown 2006. Joking la. Me, gill, ling, w.yee and w.kuan. My cina sisters from high school. Without them i dont know who i m. Thanx for always supporting me gill. She is my talking, bitching, critic, gossip buddy. These are the people I'm always happy to be round. Being with them its like being in a warm hot cross bun. Smells great and feels warm and fuzzy. Pleasurable .. Love you guys!!



Sorry for being blunt in my post this time. Its my blog and i will say whatever i want. So sue me!
Trying to get one with life despite of adversities. In the words of Rowan Keating, "Life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it." Shit i'm afraid of heights. Oh well.. crappy crappy life .. Live or die. Rather live for the moment cause i have some unfulfilled mission.

Cheers (not)