Confessions of an Idllyic Mind

Everybody seems to be going somewhere,

Planning stuff Graduating Changing jobs Getting hitched Working towards a PR ....

What does the future hold for me?
I wish there is a crystal ball that i could look into and my life would just flash in front of me. What am i doing with my life? Is getting a degree all that matters now? Is staying in Australia worth a try?
Is looking for a job in Singapore a really good idea? If only i had the answers .. If only ... Confused ...
Can only pray for answers now. Only God could lead me to the direction that i should go.

Is there someone out there for me? Are you also looking for me as I am looking for you? ...

I NEED ANSWERS !!! please ...

Heys ...

Wow.. I'm definately turning into an active blogger. I can blog like more than once a day. Well i blame it on my lack of friends and social capabilities. Woke up early today and went to the library to study. However was cut short by some ignorant bimbos and people that obviously dont know what a library's rules and regulations are. 1) Thou shall keep quiet at all times. 2) Thou shall keep in mind other patron's feelings before thou act. 3) Oh just shut up already! NO NO NO. For them the library is a place to hold rock concerts, have rowdy conversations, practice your presentations aloud for the whole of the library to judge you on your performance and basically to eat, drink and be merry. Because of these ignorant fools, I had to walk all the way out to find a solitary spot. In the end i ended up in the cafe drinking a Large cup of latte and eatting my snack (apples and grapefruit). Studied a bit there and then came here, the com lab to write a bit and to read some of me lecture slides. Urghh am still feeling angry. Everyone has their "Test my patience" button. Today i felt that this button in me has been punched several times already. Just now when i was lining up to get a computer in the lab, some Fat asian dude just walked pass the line and grabbed a com that was just available. talk about ungentlemanly behavior weh. Your mother didnt teach you manners r?? Fat dude u r... Cut back on the Cheetohs and chips la. U dont wanna live past 30 r!!!! ARGHH... That is the clear distinction between the asian dudes and foreign dudes. I feel that the foreign dudes have more respect for women here. I'm not saying that all asian guys are jerks and that all foreign men are angels. It's just that i've not met a good asian boy here yet. Just my luck la.

Fatty him r...... fatty fatty fat fat ....

Hi it's me again ...

The reasonas to why i'm blogging as often as i do is that probably it keeps me more sane. I have thoughts, ideas everything trapped in me not very big brain and when i have it all inside i cant concentrate much on the other stuff that i'm suppose to be doing. Such as studying for my exam this Friday. Bummer. So, here i m sitting in my very cold room, have a steaming hot cup of green tea on me desk, my international accounting notes all over my bed and my desk, got a large box of ferrero rocher chochies in front of me (thanx moi Angel!), tempting me but i cant even touch them. I have migrain issues. And chocs are a big NO NO for me. SO i can throw the chocs are a girl's best friend phrase out the window.

Ok so, according to my previous entry, it says that i'm having a tremendously horrible day. WHich i really did. Shaun (me lect) didnt give us a fair mark for our group report. My grp member is going to submit to him a thesis on why he should give us a better mark soon. I just didnt care. I'm so over the assignment. I'm too sick and too weak mentally to even utter a word to him. After class things didnt get better either. It was freezing and it was drizzling. Freezing conditions + drizzles = One massive pissed off Amanda. Not good for things that i choose to vent me anger on. However, it got better when i got home. Sitting on me bed was a parcel from Carol! This is what she sent me:

It's THE pair of sandals from Nose that i've been craving for. Saw it first in 1 Utame, PJ. Then decided to forgo it cause me mom said that it was too flat. Then regretted me actions cause when i tried looking for it again they ran outta sizes. "Aiya solli r.. Biggist size is size 7 la". "Lu wan pink color got, Got white color got size 8". The sales girls would all say. But pink and white does not highlight the beauty of the mother of pearl on the sandals. They dont get it. Then i went to Penang. Saw it there too. But no size also. HAIH.
M SO SO SO thankful Carol for this pair of shoes! It was the absolute highlight of my day. You made my day from thunderstorms to rainbow filled skies and the birds r chirping, the fawns are running around, Bambi's mom was brought back to life, dolphins are swimming around, sharks dont have to be slaughtered for their fins and left mercilessly to die in the ocean (Which i feel is really rude to ridicule me on my beliefs that sharks shouldn't be slaughtered. Yes they are predators but for every person they kill, thousands of them are killed, what's the balance in that? So dont laugh at me when i say i dont and will nvr taste shark's fin ever. It is the food that i most regretted eatting. Imagine someone cutting of ur arms without anaestatising you and throw you into the ocean. Imagine how that feels), etc etc ... You get the picture. It's so miracle-lous how God always knows when you're down and knows when to send friends to make your day better. Oh ya here's a better view of them lovely shoes:




Sorry for the view of my landlord's hideous tiger skin print carpet and teh not so perfect feet that i have. That's what lovely shoes are for. Hiding the imperfection of your feet. Mua ha ha. In my own translations that is.

Thanx a million again Carol. LOVE YOU!!

Okies gonna go back to me studies now. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Toodles ....

Its a beautiful morning ~~~~ NOT

Ola ...

Morning ...

Manage to squeeze in one blog before i take off to uni. It's still a tremendously cold morning. Should be only a little above 10C. Definately below 15C. Having a slight headache this morning. Didn't sleep well at all this morning. Couldnt really concentrate on me studies too. Bummer. Anyways. I'm totally prepared for the weather ahead of me. Wearing 3 layers of clothes this morn. So if anyone sees me in uni, no i didnt gain weight, Im just wearing a lot of clothes.

Ok so as any other morn, i would check on the latest celebrity news on www.people.com. Very informative site ok! And not to my surprise, I see something about Lindsay Lohan getting cozy with Paris's (yes THE Paris) ex, Starvos whatever-his-greek-surname-is. Reports say that they have been partying (dont they always do?) and spending the nite together (not a rare occurance either). I find it disgusting how starvos is being passed round like a piece of meat. Ok first there is that hobo like girl, Mary Kate or Ashley? Sorries forgot. And then he was being snatched by Paris Hilton. Then now lindsay? That was so predictable ok. Would you want a piece of steak that has been repeated jabbed by other people's fork? Would you eat a piece of chicken that has been stabbed and poked about with other people's chopsticks? I dont think so. By giving this culinary example i was referring to starvos. What's with him? Everyone in the celeb/teen pop world seems to want a piece of him. What's next? Britney leaving Kevin for Starvos? But oh well.. Who wouldnt want a piece of steak worth billions? It's good looking too mind you. Enough bout me nonsense. Am leaving for uni now. Toodles!

Hmmm... steak ....

BRRRRR ..... ,

IT'S BLARDY COLD LA!!!!! I don't know how eskimos even have the will to live in a freezer. Feel like the weatherman is playing an awful trick on me. It was VERY sunny today but yet VERY cold. Feel as if he is snickering in his cloudy office saying to himself as he release more wind my way, "Oh look! It's sunny. But too bad you wont be feeling too warm! More wind for u! MORE!!" Curses ........ (Modjojojo style)

Nice leh...

Urghh,

Most of you would know my recent headache from the previous blog. But i probably wont dwell too much on that. One minute i'll be thinking "ok! made up my mind! im goin' home!" But another minute i'll be thinking of me poor daddy having to pick me up from s'pore back home. God help me!!! But whatever. I've learned to stifle those emotions and keep a straight face. Thanks to my mentor Daria. Only those who watches that cartoon wuold know what i mean.

So on with me usual blabber. This morn was delightful. Not to those that had morning classes. It rained and it poured. Didn't manage to get out of bed till 11am. Slothful me. Twas still drizzling when i went to uni. Dressed horrendously today. I'm usually a very self conscious person. But i just didnt care today. Threw on a pair of jeans, and a windbreaker large enough to keep me and cookie monster dry and warm. Blogging from the com lab in uni today. Have a feeling that i'll be too moody to post a blog that make sense by the time i get home. I think i have a mandarin test later. Dont think i'll excel in it just cause i'm chinese ok. I'm an Overseas chinese. Not from mainland china ok. I know nuts bout the grammar part. Although my tutor did comment me on me neat writing. hahaha.. massive improvement from a girl that could not even write her own name in chinese.

Oh well.. I'll continue with my mundane life now. Thanx for posting comments guys. Oh ya Wan Ming.. Im still gonna call u Ah-Ming-ah cause it sounds nice. ahahaha.. Get use to it.

Toodles

Heys ..

The left side of me brain and the right side of me brain is having major arguments with each other right now. Lets call them Lulu and Dudu. Lulu wants her owner to return to her home country. She reasons with Dudu that Amanda needs a break and misses her family and friends. Lulu adds that the air ticket price is on sale now. What a good time to return home. She is inputting smells and sights of KL into Amanda's whole thinking system now. However this is stopped by the opposition party leader, Dudu. Dudu says that Amanda has only been here for 4 months. Like that also want to go back meh. She is saying to Amanda now. "U think ur dad Bill Gates r? Can afford to fly u here and there?" She is trying to tell Lulu that it is time and money consuming to send Amanda back home. Basically in stilling GUILT.

They couldnt come to a conclusion therefore they have resolved to warring with each other. heavy artillary is being taken out from the medula oblongata. Currently shooting bullets at each other. The aftermath? In the short term - A potentially retarded Amanda + Holes in brain = Messed up crap. In the long term - Morte cereblum (i think thats how u spell it. shit holes in brain taking effect ... )

C-a-n-t C-o-n-c-e-n-t-r-a-t-e ... F-a-d-i-n-g q-u-i-c-k .............. H-E-L-----..........

*collapses on the floor with blood spilling out of the nostrils, mouth and ears*

Aloha..

It's a Monday morn. Every other normal homo sapien would be feeling what they call the Monday blues now. That was what i expected when i woke up this morn. However when i woke up, checked me phone, got a msg from mags. It was a little prayer for me. Thanx Mags! What a great way to start the day. Was nearly late for class. Had a class at 9 but only reached at bout 9.05am. Thank God Chilip (the tutor) hadn't close the door yet. Wasnt the only late comer anyways hehe .. Had a good class. Was able to answer the questions.

By the end of the class me tummy was rumbling so loudly i had to walk pass people at the speed of a raging bull. But suddenly felt a wave of nausea. Went to the loo but nothing came up. Dont worry am: 1) Not pregnant - no man to inseminate me right now. Dont wanna be a mom anyways; 2) Not bulimic - I wish! Looking skeletal like would be a welcoming change to my now state of body. After feeling nauseaus i suddenly felt very hungry. Weird. Made a bee line to Aganzi (the uni cafe). Ordered scrambled eggs with toast and a latte. Yum yummm... The very nice cafe lady let me have a packet of honey and a small tupperware of ketchup for free. That was the highlight of the bfast. God bless that lovely lady. So there i was sitting alone in the corner with me large bfast and latte as me companions (not for very long though). Dont drool yah! It's funny this morning. Usually i would feel pathetic and alone but this morning i didnt felt that at all. Felt very at peace and as i enjoyed me bfast slowly. Was recollecting my thoughts and suddenly my mom came to mind. When i was back in KL, in the mornings when me bro and dad is out, she would plea with me to take her out to bfast almost every morn. I guess she just missed spending time with me since i went to Perth. Both mom and daughter would then head to the dim sum place nearby or to Old Town kopitiam. Then both of us would gorge ourselves silly. Then the next order of things would be to head to the shopping centers. This 2 hobby of ours has caused me dad lotsa headaches and credit card companies to be very happy. Brought a smile to my face and a giggle. Ppl around me must have thought that i had gone bananas. But bfast was impossibly delicious this morn. I think its a mix of gd memories and tomato sauce smothered eggs (my fav!).

After that headed for another class. Was surprising for Shaun (the lecturer) not to cuss and swear in front of the class today. He must be in a good mood. After class headed to the bus stop. Just in time to catch the bus home. And it was a comfy ride home too. Was an old bus but it wasnt crowded today. The good thing bout the old buses are that the seats are very confy and widely spaced apart. Enough for a big girl as myself and a pet gorrila to sit beside me.
Now m home doing laundry. And what a terrible it is to do laundry. Cloudy and about to rain crappies.

In conclusion i think i had a good day so far. How i wish i have someone special to spend it with. Oh well... Cant ask for too much. Free sauces and a comfy ride home is good enough for me for now ...

Toorah

Haidiho ...

Hello everyone. Had a good Sunday? I know i had a good one. Went to church, had good fun, fed spiritually, but after church was fed physically as well. Went for lunch in Taka (Japanese restaurant) with mags, sher-li, grace and ah ming-ah. Then headed back home. After mags left our place me and sher-li just sat down talking. Then i dont know why we started talking bout relationships. Then she recalled a Malaysian news bout some 70 over yr old woman marrying a 40 over yr old guy. So we started searching for that piece of news through Star Online. Searched the archives and landed on the most bizarre, weird, funny, out-of-this-world news. Good enough to enter Ripley's Believe It or Not. Someone call Dean Cain NOW! Now i present to you the news. Sit back and enjoy ....

He’s 33, but his wife is 104

(*Sounds of women shrieking, clashing cymbals, the pam pam pahhhhhhh effect, thunder striking ... *)

HE IS 33 and single while she claims to be 104 and has been married 20 times.
When Muhamad Noor Che Musa tied the knot with Wook Kundor in February, it was his first marriage and her 21st.
The 71-year age gap did not seem to pose any barrier to the unusual couple from Kuala Berang, Terengganu, Harian Metro reported.
The ex-serviceman was quoted as saying that he had found peace since marrying Wook and did not have any qualms introducing her as his wife.
“Before meeting Wook, I never stayed in one place for long.
“However, about a year ago I secured a job at a sawmill in Kuala Berang and stayed at Wook’s house for months without paying a single sen,” he said.
Muhammad admitted that many did not understand his decision to marry Wook and felt that their marriage was weird. Some even questioned his motive for marrying a woman old enough to be his great grandmother.
“But this is Allah’s will. My intention towards Wook is very sincere. I am not after her money as she is poor. Her only asset is her deep religious knowledge.
“Through her, I can deepen my knowledge of the religion while at the same time help her master the Romanised script,” he said, adding that their love was based on mutual respect and care. (everybody say AWWWWW ... )
Initially, Muhammad said he sympathised with Wook as she was all alone in the world, but over time, that feeling turned into love.
Wook, who is childless, hoped that people would not judge them.
“I hope people will view our marriage in a positive light as we have not done anything that is against the religion,” she said.

There it is, the strangest news ever. I know m making a big deal out of what may seem to many as an ordinary piece of news. For my simple mind something like that just blows me away. Me and Sher-li laughed non-stop. One of the many issues raised during our hysterical laughter was "what about sex man?". Dont pretend you all innocent innocent. U guys will also think bout it when u read the news. Dont say i dirty dirty all. Then when i walked out of sher-li's room i bumped into me guy hsemate from china. Told him bout the news. He just asked. "Do they have sex?" hahaha ...

I guess love knows no ages. Who are we to judge the love birds. I wish them a very happy marriage and may they be happy for as long as it lasts. (U know what i mean ... )

Just dont let me see an article 3 months later that reads - "Oldest pregnant woman found in Malaysia!" .... Now that would certainly make it to Ripley's ...

Ola'

Hey people. Today was a great day. Went shopping with me buddy Racheal. After hectic weeks i can finally take a breather and release all me tension on a well deserved shopping trip. Was suppose to help Racheal out with her shopping list but i just couldnt help myself. Temptation sucks. But the aftermath doesn't hehehe .. Started with MNG. Went there looked round. SO many stuff that i couldnt afford. Tried on this beautiful flirty summery dark blue floral dress. Looked like a thousand bucks in it but my boobs spoiled everything. It was overflowing out of the dress. Bad boobs! bad! Racheal tried on a pair of jeans n a VERY cute mini dress. It was incredibly sweet. Hey racheal if ur reading this, GO BUY THAT DRESS! Just dont ask me for the money. ha ha. After that just basically walked round n round the city. Ate Jap food. Walked more. Until we went to Myers. Racheal got her stuff thenw e walked out. Headed innocently to Nine West just hoping to stare like hobos outside of the shop, drooling at everything inside and look jealously at ppl walking in and coming out with bags. But this very day the tables were turned. We were the superstars walking out with a bag each. MUA HA HA HA ! *accompanied with sounds of clashing cymbals and thunder strikes*

I saw the pair of heels that i have been eyeing on the Nine West website for a very long time. Heres a pic of it
The one i absolutely adored was the beigy brown one. It looked perfect but once you try it on. Oh me Oh my. It was the most torturous shoe experience ever. But it was on sale. Boo hoo. At a very affordable price too. I am so dissapointed at myself for not being able to bear the pain. So was browsing at the shelves miserably after handing the shoes back to the salesgirl. Then i spotted THE bag. It was lovely. And it was on SALE!!!! Quite cheap for Nine West actually. So what did i do? I BOUGHT IT DAMN IT!!! MUA HA HA HA!! *accompanied with sounds of clashing cymbals and thunder strikes*
And guess what? Racheal bought the same one too!! I got the black one n she got a white one. Hers was SO pretty but the black is more me.

Here are the happy shoppers and our purchases.
Dont think i bought more cause i have the bigger bag ok. I asked for a bigger bag. Pai seh-nya. hehe
Thanks Racheal for being a great shopping buddy. Maybe a little too good. Next time go out with her not gonna bring money so i wont buy more stuff. hehe



When i got home as excited as i am i took several pics of me new purchase. hehehe.

Amanda's Very First Nine West Purchase Gallery



Cooked myself a very g00d dinner just now. Had chinese soup + Mutton with cheese and garlic sauce + Rice + Green tea. Hmm yum yum. Eat first worry later. hehehe. Gonna take a hot shower later, study a little, kacau Sher-li and then curl up in bed with a good book. Belissimo. Very grateful to God for giving me such a good time eventhough i often dissapoint Him. Okies gonna go wash me dishes and have an apple.

Hope you guys have a good week ahead of you. Cheers!!

I am SO broke ... aih

Haidiho ..

Ok was having lunch at the library cafe just now. Loner as I am, i sat alone with my plate of chicken pizza with a huge order of salad. With no one to talk to or object to interact with, i begin noticing the people around me. And strangely, it is facinating really.

First group of people observed:
There was a group of students comprising of 90% asians and 10% aussies/foreigners. I know am mean to say this but those group of asians brings other asians everywhere to shame. What is with trying to be some other race/ethnic group/type that you are so obviously not? I call these people Wannabes. There were 2 girls in that grp of asians. One had her hair dyed so blond but streaks of black is appearing fom the top. she must have fried some of her brain cells with the way she gotta bleach her hair to get that blond. Another one of the girl had so much eye liner on that if i diluted it with water, i could have written 4 scrolls of chinese caligraphy with it. And the weird thing is, the eye liner wasnt on the upper lid but it was on the lower lid. Hmmm ... Punk chink? Chinky punky? China punk? The group of guys were desperately trying to make their foreign friends laugh. The jokes were so lame. Add that with bad grammar and fake aussie accent. It would have been like this..(not actual scenario but i made it up) "Hey mate! Guess this man. Freaking funny dude! Why r did the chicken cross the road man?! Dude ! Dude! To get to the other side la!!! MUA HA HA HA .. Farney right right right? Dude mate funny mate!" The 2 aussies gave a sympathetic laugh and returned to talking to each other. The rowdy bunch of asians continued talking in fake accents and making a fool of themselves in the cafe. The scene looked like an olden day chinese imperial court. The court jesters - the rowdy bunch of asians, trying to apease the emperor. Except that in this context, the emporer is aussie. At this point I'm very ashamed that i'm chinese.

Second group of people observed:
Health nuts i should call them. These are the group of people, usually comprising of aussie girls sitting together, talking bout nonsense, and eatting almost nothing. They live on Coke and gossip i think. Oh one girl was eatting. And i saw what she bought from the counter. It was a whole grain sandwich with grated cheddar cheese, no butter, tomatoes, grated carrots, pineapple, beetroot, a sprinkle of salt, a little pepper, and a lot of mustard. Ok im not condemning ppl for eatting healthy but WTF? Does it even taste gd? When i pick up the courage to try it i'll make a post on it.

There were others but these were the most interesting. Well I'm sure those people in those grps are happy somehow. Sorry if i offended anyone that belongs to the 2 categories of people mentioned above. I was a mean mean girl today. BAd amanda Bad amanda. In conclusion, Anything beats being an asian girl, sitting alone, looking around for company and stuffing her face with pizza and salad. SIGHS.

*The pizza sucked*

I have a confession to make. I am a reality tv addict. I'm hooked on America's Next Top Model. They just announced the cycle 6 winner. My heart actually raced when i was watching the episode on youtube.com. What made it more suspenseful was that the connection is bad therefore it takes a while to load. And being as impatient as i am, i dont wait for it to fully load but i insist on watching the slow motion kinda thing. I was half muttering a prayer for Joanie which i had wanted to win so badly, and half scolding the connection. And when they finally announce the winner my heart just sank and yelled out a big SHIT!!! They picked another girl. SIGHS.. The world is unfair .. Tyra Banks, Ms J, Twiggy, Nigel Barker, YOU GUYS SUCK BIG TIME AS JUDGES! Tak da mata tengok punya ka... URGHHHH...

Of the various reality shows that i love are:

Don't mean to sound like a complete ninnipoo but I miss Malaysia so much. I am more myself over there. I have my loving though not always supportive family. I miss being in the midst of my maternal rowdy hakka family. Sometimes i wonder what the shit am i doing here. I'm missing so many important events in my life by being here. Missed 2 of my favorite-cousins-in-the-world's wedding (both of which am suppose to be the flower girl), missed Gillian's graduation, missed carol's b'day ... and the lost goes on.

I mean there are things that are happening for me here but it seems just meaningless now. There are so many times when i just feel like quitting this, pack up and head home. But then there is always a loud voice in me head commanding me to Suck it up fat girl and finish what your dad paid a lotta money to send u here for. Somehow i feel that these days that voice is getting weaker. No one seem to understand why i dont wanna get a PR and a job here. I get constant "stay here la. quality of life better. money also better. air cleaner. ppl more frenly. not a lot of rape case. Why go back KL? so many uncivilised ppl. so many ppl kena rape ar. little jobs." All i have to say is: SHUT THE F**K UP! You have no rights to judge me. Judge yourself b4 pulling me down with you. (No i dont actually say that to them. Though at times i feel like it) They haven't got a clue bout what i'm going through and they start judging me. Even if i have to become a beggar in KL as a result of giving up my "privilleged" life here then so be it. Atleast i will be a happy beggar at a place where i call home with no regrets.

Friends made here are great. Really appreciated their support for me. Shared lotsa laughter and tears. However besides my parents and immediate family, I always have my Malaysian chickas, my not-related-by-blood hermanas, my solid brick when i have nothing left to lean back on.. My bestest ever friends ..
A little introduction, the pic of the 2 gorgeous chickas on the left is carol & me. She is my comforter, shopping buddy (we terrorize retailers together. Shopping mall owners, you have been warned), makan buddy, yakking buddy, MNG kaki and the list goes on ...
The people on the right are the candidates for miss chinatown 2006. Joking la. Me, gill, ling, w.yee and w.kuan. My cina sisters from high school. Without them i dont know who i m. Thanx for always supporting me gill. She is my talking, bitching, critic, gossip buddy. These are the people I'm always happy to be round. Being with them its like being in a warm hot cross bun. Smells great and feels warm and fuzzy. Pleasurable .. Love you guys!!



Sorry for being blunt in my post this time. Its my blog and i will say whatever i want. So sue me!
Trying to get one with life despite of adversities. In the words of Rowan Keating, "Life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it." Shit i'm afraid of heights. Oh well.. crappy crappy life .. Live or die. Rather live for the moment cause i have some unfulfilled mission.

Cheers (not)

Somehow can relate to the poet when she is writing this. The pain you wish to submerge within you, but somehow its able to be seen by some people. All I can say is, Amanda Liew will never be the same again for a very long time.

Silence, Silent but never Silence
© By Kimberly V. Dunn

Many said I camouflaged it well
Only after discovering my silent suffering
Silent but never silenced enough
The silent suffering I endured
Alone, leaving what appeared
Silent to be well known within me
Silent and hidden
Silent but not silent enough

The pain exists deep down within me
Silent, never silent I think not
A heart that weeps
Silently weeping in the dark
Hoping no one sees me

Silent, Never

Stomped on, used as a sponge, broken, tugged on, and jerked at
A heart, I do have
And treated as if I have none
A heart that's far beyond repair
Silent, this is the hearts only way
To cry out
Silent, I think not

Silent, they said I camouflaged it well
My suffering well hidden but
Silent never,
It cries out
Help
But no one seems to hear or see
Only the ones that some how saw
The silent suffering
Silent but never within me

Silent, can't you see
This is my heart speaking
Help me

Silent, never silence
Silent, I'm suffering

Lonely Wall

I see the stars each night -
I know I will be great;
I feel people's Pain and Passion.

But why can't I help me?

I'm around people -
My mind is blurred as the surface of the ocean;
I talk, but I'm gone
With the winds with no direction.

But why can't I help me?

There isn't love or trustI can willingly give back -
I've been offered gold and diamonds;
But I seem very unhappy.

Why can't I help me?

Life could be crude -
Life could be adventurous;
Life could mean "live",

But why can't I help myself?

I am shelter when others feel pain -
I am comforting when approached;
I am loved by the world.

Why can't I love myself?
Why can't I feel other people's joy?

Some might call me selfish -
Some might call me stupid;
But if only they could feel my pain,
But if only they understood.
I never wished to be sad -
No one would.
But that is what I'm going through -
I know things would get better;
I would feel like a baby again,
I would watch the sunrise
With someone I might fall in love.
But till then,

Why can't I help myself?

Ello y'all,

Blogging from Sherli's room (refer to blog #2). Wan Ming is here to stay over tonight. No he's not a tall, dark and handsome man. Dark yes la.. but the other 2 criteria .. errr .. hehe .. cute la .. Currently am lost in the midst of their heated and heavily animated discussion. They talking the anime talk right now. Am not into these stuff that's why am silent. Am actually silent. Well tomorrow is the Aussie mom's day. Haven't got my mom anything. Just sent her a card few days ago. Shall call her though.
Went to the city today. Was scouting round for my cell leader's b'day prezzie. Didnt come to a conclusion at all. Saw lotsa cute stuff that i dont mind having myself. However .. *stares at the bank statement* .. sighs ... Then went to get some groceries. Came back and cooked a fantastic dinner with SL .. *stares at the growing lower prosterior* .. sighs .. Sitting cross legged here now.

This is a short one. Don't know what else to say. Have a good day everyone ! Give your mom a hug ok.

Cheers

Now how can i not love KL when my bestest friend in the whole wide world, my mom, shares and encourages this passion for this city with me. So i dedicate this post to those people that makes KL what it is - unique, one of a kind. The colors, the smells and the sounds ...

(All taken during my trip back in Nov. I have loads more actually)

~ Confessions of a True KL-ian ~

I belong the poorer side of the Asian students community here in Curtin Uni in Perth. What do I mean by being on the "poorer" side? First let me essentuate (pardon the spelling mistake) the many privilleges of having mega-wealthy parents - THE RICH ASIAN STUDENTS -

1. Drive round in this - No offense to anyone driving the Mercedes SL 500 round here. But SHARING IS CARING man! And what's up with the pumping black music and winding down the window while driving? You ain't a black homie. African Americans look cool doing so. You just look like a wannabe drawing unwanted attention to yourself and your car. Their excuse? - This is my 18th birthday present from my very rich daddy. I earned it. I've been a very good boy. Cars are cheap here anyway. Gotta go! My girlfriend (that wears skimpy clothing in winter, dons a Gucci bag, cakes on makeup and wears 3 inch, purple color, snakeskin heels) needs a ride.
2. Eat out every night - Their excuse - Girls: What?!! Are you crazy or something? Like I would ever wanna get oil on my hands. Chop a chicken? What if that breaks off my new & expensive french manicure?! EWWWW... Boys: That's girl job man. I ain't cookin'. I can't cook to save my life. Let's go to that fancy Italian restaurant in Northbridge, my doggy, Pugsy, fancies a snack.

These are only some of the many privilleges of having weathly parents. Now you understand why I stand in the poorer side. One, I take the Transperth bus (#72/#75) to practically everywhere. Two, Cook = belly full, No Cook = starve.

So, today I was in the bus. I had to run to it cause it was already leaving. And already tired from walking and running, I expect to sit in the bus. Thank heavens there was 1 more seat left in the whole entire bus. No thanx to the d**khead that was sitting on the aisle seat of the two seats. It was a sunny day today. And at that moment the sun was on the inner seat. So i stood next to him. He didn't even made a gesture to move in, or to let me into the empty seat. Oh I cant move! Have stiff joints! Oh can't move! Sun very strong. Will give me skin cancer!

So I stood. The bus driver wasn't very kind. He jammed the brakes at every stop. Poor me. At one stop, another guy came on-board and headed to the seemingly empty seat. What did Mr. Asian d**khead do? He moved into the inner seat!!! So I came into 3 conclusion:

• He didn't like an attractive girl with big boobs to sit next to him.
• He prefers a flat chested, skinny guy to sit next to him.
• HE IS A MASSIVE INSENSITIVE HOMOSAPIEN WITH NO MANNERS.

I rest my case ...

Expecting a guy leh =P Anyways, she is my hsemate + ex-roomie, long time friend, Sher-Li. We're always associated to each other. For example, in my previous cell group, the cell leader will always ask us to do stuff together. "amanda & sher-li you prepare ice breakers for this week ya." It's like as if we're stuck to the hip or something. I'm also known as Sher-li to some of my very confused cell members this semester.

She is my twin terror and co-conspirator. Together we rebel against our landlord (He's actually a nice man. But he is in dire need of deodarant, dental care/hygiene, more up-to-date hsehold appliances, HYGIENE, peeing lessons, a spittoon, english lessons and a cook book) which is always telling us the rules and regulations of living in HIS castle.

I just got back from her room actually. Just watched School Rumble 2 ep 5 together. She got me hooked to the anime stuff man. But then seriously that anime is seriously funny. Laughed my guts out. Good de-stresser. Anyways, i usually hang out there. My hobo shack is too puny for 2 ppl. Her room is the bungalow compared to mine. AIH ..

Oh ya this is our best looking picture together. Was waiting for the bus in our "glam" outfits. Heading to Nigel's b'day bash. We have so many ridiculous pictures together. Like this for example:

Ok maybe the ridiculous one is me. Pls dont kill me Sher-li darling hehe ... You'll be seeing her name repeatedly throughout my blog cause my universe revolves round her too. haha ..


So blessed for having her as a friend and comforter. I'll go bananas if i were to stay here alone.

Ok that's probably bout enough of praises sung to you Sher-Li. You can remove the gun from my head now. Joking la.. Cant say enough bout this gurl. The pain I've caused her man. I think i'm slowly driving her insane. MUA HA HA HA ..

Thanx for being my punching bag luv.

LOVE YOU !!

Cheers

I have my own blog!! Yippee .. Took me ages and consultations from so many people before I decided to start this. Yeah I am a wimp, so sue me! Hope I will have the time to blog regularly.

Oh btw .. This is the best looking picture of me. It's sad that i dont always look like this .. sighs ..