Confessions of an Idllyic Mind

Somebody just point a fully loaded shot gun to my head now and fire away please.

Been having the blues since last week. Thank you to my new best friend, Influenza. Sounds exotic isnt it? She is apparently of spanish heritage. She's been here since Wednesday and has refused to leave. Life with her includes shivers, sudden hot to cold cold to hot bodily temperature changes, pesky phlegm filled cough spasms, clogged nose + ears, sweaty palms etc . . . Been staying home like a goody goody girl this weekend.


Began having little little panic attacks on Sat all the way till now. I dont know what I'm so afraid of. I wake up at 4.30 in the morning just sitting there thinking about what the future holds for me. Why am I leading such an ordinary life? Why am i not as smart as i know i am? Am i made for more? Am I suppose to step out of the zone that I'm currently in? Is it time to get a move on?

All I know is there is suppose to be more to life than this. Here i am sitting in front of the computer on a Sunday nite, leafing through the Internet for people to call. My dad is snickering at me for looking up meaningless companies for their telephone numbers. My more glamorous friends are most probably sipping on some chardonay, soft sounds of classical music playing on the background, wearing their Sunday's finest. . . Here I am in my PJs, my face all oily from perspiration, with a stuffed nose.


I know self pity is for losers but i just cant help sinking into this feeling now.


Current mood: Sad, sad, sad, sad, sad x 10000000000000000000