Confessions of an Idllyic Mind

I wrote a seriously evil + nasty blog post on Fri. I think i'm too chicken shit to put it up. It contains massive amounts of profanities, which is unheard of coming from a well mannered and delicate lady such as me (you can launch your projectile vomit now). I was so angry and pissed i just typed furiously sitting alone in my little cubicle. Sometimes i really wonder if it was really worth it giving up on Aust. and moving back here. I realized that i have nothing pleasant to blog about work. In fact I cried more than i have been ever since i started work. Call me a wuss if you want to but nothing .. i tell you nothing can ever prepare me for whatever I have to go through during this period of life. Yeap not even the obscene amount of money my daddy spent sending me to uni for 3 yrs studying things that i can "apply" when i start working. I dont feel like i belong ... What is yours compared to mine? you might say. Well ... I bet what i'm facing now is a molehill/breadcrumb/tip of the iceberg/mole on an ant's back/a grain of sand if compared to what i might be facing in the future. But to me, its a big deal now. So pls dont try to reassure me by saying things like, "things will be much tougher in the future. enjoy what you have now." I dont need these kinda advice. I will physically hurl myself out of a window soon if i hear that quote again. Yes i'm admitting now that i'm not capable of handling stress very well. I'm not adequate for the dog eat dog world. Maybe that's just how I am. I'm trying my very best to change. I'm trying my very best to accommodate to everyone's needs. I tell myself every morning that I can do it! Make more calls! Follow up! Whip those CFO's butts! However after one call or two i deflate . . .

I'm seriously thinking of relocating. I'm too young for this. I should be seeing the world at this age. What am i doing here in an industry that I grew to loathe since I was in primary school?

I have totally betrayed myself . . .