Confessions of an Idllyic Mind

Well no one can exactly plan for the future. You can’t even plan the day in fact, as I learned just now. You spend lengthy hours/days/months/years arranging your dominoes, you’ve even taken the trouble to polish each and every domino before meticulously placing them in a straight row each not more than 2 inches apart. And when you think you can finally step back, breathe deeply and admire them from a distance, a steamroller rolls by and not only does your dominoes topple over, it becomes crushed to smithereens.

I remember having to fill in a ridiculous blue form when I was in high school and primary school. Had to fill in what I aspire to be when I grow up. Its funny how my answers differ each time the card is being given out. These are just some of the occupations I’ve written down; artist, nurse, lawyer, interior designer, fashion designer… etc. What am I now? Associate, Treasury Solutions – Fund Management a.k.a Sales Person. Not that there is anything to complain about. I’m being paid. I have the privileges that any employee in any company would have. But it’s just that what I’m doing now is a far cry from what I envisioned myself to be doing. The question that I really detest from interviewers is: - “Where do you see yourself in another 5 years time?” I think that this is the most clichéd question that any interviewer can ask. I have a feeling that they whipped out that question because they ran out of smart questions to ask. Hello! You tell me la what I will be doing in another 5 years time. Isn’t that the employer’s job, to help mould the employee? So I muster up some lame ass answers. “I want to be in a managing position.” I sometimes want to kill myself over this answer. What a vague thing to say. Managing what? Cow r? But thank God the interviewers never bother asking.

So, I have thought up some concrete (?) plans for my future. Things I would like to see come to pass in another maybe 5 to 10 years time.

1) Earn more than what I’m earning now. (DUH)

2) Finish paying for my little MyVi.

3) Actively looking for a place to live/In the process of getting my own pad.

4) Attached and betrothed to a tall guy that absolutely adores me for my insecurities, silly switch, for who I truly am.

5) Traveled to Dubai, Shanghai and Tokyo.

6) Be in a partnership business. Hoping to start a boutique selling urban funk shoes, accessories and apparel. (Any suggestions for a location?)

7) Be in a managing position. (Of people.)

I think that is it for now. Of course there are many more in the list but I think these are the Major ones. Laugh at it all you want but at least I have a plan. If I don’t start planning now I realize that I would be stuck in the same rut everyday for the rest of my life. Get up, get in car, get on the road, get pass the traffic, get into the office, get into the Microsoft Outlook, get appointments, get the calls going, get the deal done, get the follow-ups done, get the money rolling in, get out of office, get into car, get pass after work hour traffic, get into home, get to bed. And the whole vicious cycle starts over and over again whether I like it or not. I’m so so so so sick of this. One fine day when I have sufficient in my bank account, I vow that I would just pack it all up and leave. I don’t know where I’ll be going but I’ll just leave. Sick of living a life of mediocracies. There is so much more to life but I’m bound by contract to stay in this glass elevator. Always taking me up and down, letting me see what the world outside looks like but never ever letting me out.

So one message to all of us ants in the anthill,

Labor until you tire and then labor some more...